So, things have been going good lately.
My life is getting up to speed.
I've found "normal" again.
Then, "Whack!"; yup, another bout of grief.
It started early with pain and frustration.
Then, that turned into anger.
I'm still hurt and angry.
I just want to put the past and grief behind me.
No matter what I say, it's wrong.
No matter what I do, it's wrong.
All this frustration, pain and anger made me start to really miss my mom.
Then, I bumped my CD player by accident, and it started playing a song
that always reminds me of her. Well, then I just lost it. I cried.
I felt better for a brief time, but then came all the emotions again.
I just wish all the pain, frustration, and anger would stop.
I want my life back as it was. But, that will never happen.
It seems to me, that every time I gain some normalcy,
I slide backwards a few steps. Back into grief. I hate that part.
But, what I think makes it so much harder, isn't the one who died,
but the ones living that continue to hurt me. That's just not right.
It's not fair. And, it just flat out sucks!
No, I don't know what to do.
Only God can see my heart, and only He can
ease the pain. In the meantime, I guess I just keep
praying and waiting.
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