Don't Judge Me

A few days ago, God put it in my heart to be quiet. 
How silence can be powerful. 
I have a hard time being quiet. 
I always feel like speaking my mind. 
I always feel like trying to right a wrong. 
Trying to speak the truth. 
But, I also see that I can speak using harsh words.
Words that do not comfort, and bring relief; but ones
that cut and injure. 


I can communicate much better if I use honey, then if I use vinegar. 
Yet, when my defenses are up, my heart broken, it seems easier to 
use words that deflect, protect, and lash out. 

I have a passion for God, for Christ. But, I use that passion in 
a way that scorns. In a way that, rather then drawing non-believers
to Christ, it makes them run in the other direction. 

I'm learning that love speaks volumes louder then criticism. 
I don't know why it has taken me so long to learn this lesson, 
or why it seems so hard to learn. 

But, upon this realization, I've come to wish that I didn't have 
to wear my hearing aids. I guess I figure that if I can't hear, then 
I won't speak (because I don't like to speak when I can't hear my voice), 
if I won't speak, then I cannot offend. It all seemed to make perfect sense to me.
But, then God shared with me something else. I cannot use my hearing loss 
as a way to escape. I cannot use it to take the easy way out. 
So, with hearing aids intact, I'm trying to keep my mouth shut. 
I wait, I listen, and then speak. 


This isn't the first time God has run this lesson through me. 
Probably won't be the last. 
But, each time I struggle with a different part of the lesson.
Before, I struggled with listening. 
Now, I listen. But, I struggle with keeping my mouth shut. 
I'm not sure when to speak and when to keep quiet. 
Oftentimes it's hard to tell the difference. 
But, I'm sure that with God's help and wisdom, 
I'll eventually get the hang of it. 

May God give me the wisdom to use words of  love and honey, 
rather then anger and vinegar. May my words be warm, and 
inviting and lead people to God rather then make them want to 
run in the other direction.  Amen.

Do you deal with the same issues? 
Please let me know, and share how you deal with it. 
But, please don't judge me. I'm already fully aware that
I'm not perfect, and I don't need someone else to point it out. 
Thank-you.