Grief is an emotional sunburn where each person experiences
varying degrees of pain.
We were on the other side of the world when we got the news.
We knew it would happen. My husband's father was ill and only growing worse.
With our laptop open, my husband and I were sitting on our bed, talking idly.
I took a sharp breath, and then the words tumbled out of my mouth:
"Your father died." I quickly looked at my husband to see how he would respond.
He just sat quietly, looking down. I asked him if he was alright.
He answered, "Yes, I'll be fine." He gave a small smile of reassurance.
And, then said, "I knew this was coming. He was sick." And, for the most
part, that was it.
This was a sharp contrast to my own experience.
We were three states away.
I knew it was going to happen. The Holy Spirit told me so.
I got a call after getting home from a long day of Christmas shopping
to come home as soon as possible. We threw some clothes in a few
duffle bags and raced out the door. When we arrived at the hospital
seven hours later during the middle of the night, I ran inside and asked
what floor my mother was located. The receptionist told me, and I
raced to the elevator. I still believed that she was alive. I ran more
to find a nurse to ask what room she was in. And, that's when she
told me, "Marge died." Just like that. I collapsed to the floor.
Every ounce of strength drained out of my being. I just sat there
sobbing saying over and over agian, "No! No! No!"
My husband knew that there was a good chance that he wouldn't
be pressent when his father passed away, and he was alright with that.
I had an entirely different idea of how things would be when my mom
passed away. I expected to be sitting by her bedside, holding her hand
as she exhaled her last breath.
My husband has three brothers. I am an only child.
This also affects the degree of pain from grief.
An only child tends to have a closer relationship with
their parents, then children with sibblings.
These are just some of the factors that determine how much
an emotional sunburn from grief will hurt. It amazes me how
the degree can be so varied and so wide from person to person.
And how differently each individual deals with grief.
In the end, we all must walk through each step
in our own time and in our own way.
