I'm still in the boat that I was in two years ago.
The waves have calmed down.
The water is placid.
There is no agony or grief swirling around me anymore.
The darkness has parted.
The light is visible.
Yet, here I still sit.
I'm still lost.
God put my heart back together.
I've gotten back into the game of life.
I just don't know what to do with my life,
or how to use it to serve God.
I'm still lost.
I still don't know what to do or where to go.
My boat isn't moving.
Not in any direction.
No wind to guide it, not even a hint of a breeze.
The business of sitting still and waiting for God is........
frustrating, lonely, and has it's own kind of agony.
I know God's lighthouse is there.
It's the biggest one, I can't really miss it.
But, it's not sending me any sign of where to go,
or what to do.
No signal. Nothing.
I know that I'm not meant to sit in this boat forever.
I could just row and go, but then I'd be taking things
into my own hands without a clue of where I was headed.
I know there is a shore for me to land upon.
I just can't see it yet.
I worry that I've already pulled onto shore,
and I just don't realize it because I'm looking
at it all wrong.
As though maybe I'm looking at the dirt under my
feet instead of the panoramic view.
But, I really don't think that is the case.
So, for now, I sit in my boat.
I wait for God.
I wait for Him to give me a direction, a breeze,
or a good, strong wind to send me on my way.
Dear Heavenly Father,
Please help me. Please send me on my way so that
I may reach another shore. A place where I can find
hope, friendship, inspiration, and a way to serve You.
In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Michelle, sometimes just taking that first step OUT of the boat is all that is needed for God to guide you. Maybe He's waiting for you. :-) It is common knoedge among the Jewish people that the water if the river Jordan did not recede until one man stopped forward ... As he stepped forward, the water receded with each step. The Israelites crossed. Do something FUN or interesting for yourself. I was told years ago (I was single for 15 years, andonely) that the man God chose for me was not going to miraculously show up at my door. If I wanted to get on that bus, I had better get out to the bus stop, or I would be missing more than the bus- I would be missing God's blessings. It's ok to get busy while we wait. :-) Really. Choose one thing and step in faith. Bless you, Michelle.
ReplyDeleteThank-you for sharing your thoughts and your words. :o) I did take your advice, and though our house hasn't sold yet, I did buy myself a necklace that reminds me of my mom, so that I may keep her memory close to my heart. It's a long story, but basically, I didn't get what I was supposed to get after she died (personal items I had made her or given to her), so to begin moving forward, I got myself the necklace. Something that the widower cannot take or keep from me. :o)
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