From HOH To Being Deaf

Over the past three or four years, I could tell that my 
hearing aids were growing weak. I was struggling to 
hear my family members, but I thought, the hearing aids 
still work, so I'll just hang on to them until they quit 
working altogether. And, it happened. One hearing aid 
quit working right while we were in the middle of packing 
and moving out of our house. We move out of our house, 
move into another, and get settled in. 

So, I go to the the audiologist, take the audio-gram.
Order hearing aids, molds, and go on my marry way
thinking that I'll be able to hear just fine once I get 
the new hearing aids. Wrong.

While I'm waiting for my new aids to arrive, I compare 
an old audio-gram to the most recent one that I had 
taken just a few days earlier. Upon looking at my 
test results, I see that something is very wrong. 
I consult with someone online, and they confirm my fears. 
I have lost 50% more hearing in both ears. Or rather, 
I have lost 50% of my capacity to discriminate spoken words. 
I now only have a 20% speech threshold in my right ear, 
and about a 42% threshold in my left ear. And, that is 
in a quiet environment. I have basically gone from being
hard of hearing, to being deaf. 

I am in disbelief. How? I'm already hard of hearing, how 
could I lose more? I was naive to think that the hearing 
that I did have would always stay. It hadn't changed for 
nearly 40 years. So, I had no reason to think otherwise. 

I began to panic. I began to think about all the folks that
I felt bad for because they had lost their hearing later in life.
I always felt that I was blessed in that way. I have always
been hard of hearing. So, I never had to go through the grief
of losing something that once was a vital part of myself. 
Until now. Now, I worried. Wondering what I was going to do.

How would I homeschool the kids? How does my husband
feel about me losing more hearing? Will it get worse?
Will I be isolated even more?  

I began to research CI's. (Cochlear Implants)
After just an hour or so, I could see that it wasn't the
right choice for me. The idea of having my ear cut away 
from my head, then re-sewn over a metal object, made me
feel just a bit queasy. I also wasn't too keen with the idea 
of having two holes drilled into my skull. Add to that, 
the fact that cell phones can interfere with the CI's. And if I 
ever need an MRI (and I have in the past), it will be an auditory
hell! So, while they may be great for some folks, they are just
not my kind of thing.  

So, where does that leave me? Well, I can feel sorry for myself. 
Yes, I'm scared. It is likely that I'll lose even more in the future. 
But, I don't have to let it ruin my life. I can be pro-active about it. 
What does that mean? It means that before, I had toyed with the 
idea of teaching my children ASL, and now, I order some ASL 
(American Sign Language) books. It means that it will have to 
be a family affair to learn sign language. It means, that in order 
to continue homeschooling my children, we'll need to make 
a few adjustments. It also means that we'll have to learn 
more patience, and be more loving and caring. That is what 
being pro-active looks like.

Will the journey get harder? Very likely. But, I'll just have
to be more humble, ask for extra help, surround myself 
with more friends and family (this is my biggest challenge), 
and try harder at life. And, a sense of humor. Anything is 
easier to handle with a sense of humor!

And, truth be told, I am still very happy! I still have my
family, and they love me. And, I know God has a plan for me.
For this. I trust Him because I know that He loves me too.