Another Anniversary

Today is 9/11.
Today is also the 9 month anniversary of my mom's death.

Today, though a reminder of a tragedy and a loss, became a day
of renewal. Today, I cleaned. I de-cluttered. That in itself says nothing. But, it was a turning point in my grief that I could feel.

I feel like I've been laying dormant for months now. I still managed
to do my daily work, chores, etc. But, today is different. 

Today, each spot I cleaned and emptied clutter, felt like I was
clearing out grief. Emptying a cupboard of plastic ware, and 
arranging them neatly, and throwing out the old, felt good.
Keeping memories of her, but throwing off the grief that 
has gripped me for nearly a year now is becoming easier.

Symbolic perhaps. Examining my life. Keeping what 
is important, and throwing out what is not. Deciding who is 
important to me, and making an effort to show them I care. 
And, those who aren't, I'll let them go. It hurts to let people go.
But, I cannot change them, or make them want me in their life. 
So, I de-clutter my life. I don't need all the drama, mood swings,
and pain that some people bring to my life. 


So, even though today is a memory of a tragedy, for me
it is a turning point. Almost a celebration of freedom from
the grips of grief. I look forward to my real celebration on 
January 1st. When I have gotten through an entire year of 
grief and a whole year without her.    
To my mother, to God and to January 1st.  :o)