Finally Sailing

My last post was about walking away from all the things that were rightfully mine, 
but that I highly doubt that I'll ever see again. I handed that burden over to God. 
And, He gave me freedom and peace right away. 

But, a few days have passed since then, and I already see more blessings. 
When I first began this blog, I wrote a piece called Flip Flops in Heaven.
And, I just ordered myself a flip flop pendant necklace. 
I bought it because it is a way to keep my mom and God close to my heart. 
Plus, I figure if I can't have what is rightfully mine, then I'll create things 
that remind me of my mom. Things that can never be taken away 
by the widower.

Now, if I could only get over this last hurdle.
For two years, I've been aching to move. 
I actually don't like my house anymore. 
It depresses me.

What was a blessing at first, has now become a painful burden.
The blessing was the last time I ever saw my mom alive in 
my own home. The last memory I have of her was when she was 
sitting on my couch, holding my children close to her so that my husband could
take a picture of all of them together. This was a blessing because I could 
relive the memory as often as I needed in order to grieve and heal. 

But, now it it just feels like a curse. 
I am stuck because the grief is largely over, and I cannot move on with
this new chapter in my life. I'm still in the same house. I can't bring myself 
to paint my living room walls because it is just as it looked when 
she last visited. I hate the color. It's beige. The color reminds me of 
the paste that the funeral had put on her face before the real 
make-up was applied.

Furthermore, an agent told us that beige is a neutral color and a good selling point.
I don't want to put a lot of money into repainting since I really just want to move.
I know that everything is in God's timing though.. 

The first step in the right direction was letting go of the stuff and 
buying the necklace.  But, now I'd really like to take a leap! 
I'd like our house to sell, and to start my life again somewhere else. 

In a previous post, I discussed feeling like I was stuck in a boat, and 
going nowhere. Well, now I think I wasn't going anywhere because my
burdens were acting as an anchor. Now that I've gotten rid of the anchor, 
I can feel the boat slowly beginning to sail. But if I could sell our house,
I think I'd really be able to gain some distance. 

I've let go, dumping stuff out of my boat. Out of my life. 
Hopefully, I'll be able to get moving now. 
There will always be problems in life. 
But, I don't think that we have to let them become burdens if 
we give them up to God. Sometimes, we've been carrying a 
burden for so long though, that we don't even realize it until we
finally put it down. 

I've put them down, right at the foot of the cross. 
And I'm ready to sail!