I recently read a post by a hard of hearing woman who shared her frustration
about not being able to make friends. She has many acquaintances, but no true-blue,
have-your-back anytime, kind of friends. I share her frustration. And like her, I've
searched deep within myself, trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
I'm not so sure that there is anything wrong with me besides being different.
I think that it is really several things working at once.
First, I'm hard of hearing; I'm not deaf, so I don't experience the close knit
friendships that are within the deaf community. So, I don't have deaf friends.
I'm also not a hearing person. Though, I do try to "fit in" the hearing culture
as best as I can, I often miss out on conversations with hearing people.
They generally speak fast, interrupt conversations on a regular basis,
stop carrying on a conversation midway so that they can check their cell phones,
or take a call, and they do not seem to care much for slowing down or repeating
things so that I may understand them better. I have no close hearing friends.
I also don't care much to listen to whining and complaining. I have to lip-read when
folks talk to me and it wears me out. I want to spend my time lip-reading someone
or a conversation that is worth my time and energy. I don't mean to come across
as being cold, but it can be physically and mentally draining to lip-read. I want
to make the most of it.
I know someone who really enjoys talking and shooting the breeze.
She can start up a conversation with anyone. It's a nice quality to possess.
But, she also thoroughly enjoys complaining about nearly everything.
Housework, aches and pains, the kids, the husband's job, on and on it goes.
It amazes me that she has so many friends, and that they actually listen to
her go on and on. I've tried to emphasize with her, but I just couldn't do it
anymore. Once, I tried to help her see the bright side, and point out the
abundance of blessings that she had, and she simply grew irate with me.
So, we rarely speak unless circumstances place us in the same room.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I don't vent when feeling frustrated,
angry, or hurt. I do. And, upon further reading of my blog, you would see
that is true. But, there is a difference between complaining to gain the
sympathy of others, and venting to clear your head in order to find a solution.
Many people don't want a solution, they want to merely complain.
So, they end up sounding like a broken record. I don't get it.
The other thing that I noticed about myself is that I don't tend to talk about
such things as make-up, shoes, clothes, etc. They are things that I wear, not
things that I discuss. I would much rather share ideas about homeschooling,
faith, Bible scripture, how to help others in need, etc. But, it has proven
difficult to find someone who also enjoys discussing those same topics.
So, it is with the combination of all these things, that I believe that I don't
make friends easily. I have to add that internet friends are very nice, but
I want someone that I can sit across the table from, while sharing a pot
of coffee or a pitcher of sweet tea. I know that there are a few ladies online
that would make excellent friends, but there is too much distance
between us to get together for face to face visiting. And, I really enjoy
seeing someone in person. I'm sure they do as well.
Another poster mentioned that it is quality that matters, and not quantity.
And, I do agree. One excellent friend is worth many acquaintances.
And, I suppose that one good friend would be my husband. I did marry
him, after all! But, it would still be a treasure to have that one female friend
that would go through this life with me through thick and thin, ups and downs,
good times and bad. That one friend who would discuss female matters,
and matters of the heart. There are just some things better spoken between
a sister friend than the man that holds my heart. I know, I've already tried!
(Apparently, remedies for PMS is not a topic high on his "Things to Discuss
with My Wife Today" list.)
So, I'll keep doing what I've been doing.... praying.
Praying for good friends.
" Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.
For if they fall, the one will lift up his companion: but woe to him who is alone
when he falls; for he has no one to help him up."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
Yes I have friends, but not friends I would say would watch my back, that are local to me. But I do have 2 online friends I know that would watch my back, but like you say its the distance. But I still value them as if they were local and appreciate them being there. I just wish we were nearer.
ReplyDeleteThen I have my other friends also online, just for that chit chat.
It would be nice to meet someone local. I did find that once some years ago and invited her to a local event. She did not turn up. We always say hello in the street. But it would have been nice if was like chatting, browsing at the shops. That sort of thing. But she stops herself from doing that I think, as when ever I see her, her Mum is always with her, or not far away.
Another one I met recently in last 2 years not far from me, does not seem to meet up like I hope. I hardly hear from her. I text or email and it gets where I hear nothing.
I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one! But, it's also sad really. And, I thought that this was just a mid-western thing. But, there seems to be more and more dis-connection despite the fact that we have so much technology. Laura Ingalls Wilder once said that she was disappointed when telephones came around. The reason being that prior to telephones, people would just stop by, sit together and have a drink of coffee or tea. But, when the telephone came about, people expected you to call first, and fewer people came to visit spontaneously. I feel much the same way about all of our computer stuff. The more we have, the less connected we all seem.
ReplyDelete