Heaven on Layaway

The other day, Oldest Son was talking to me about how he was surprised that there
are people who actually worship Satan, and that there are people who would
rather have temporary earthly pleasures rather then the Heavenly ones that
await us upon our arrival to the Pearly Gates. But, isn't it just like us humans
to want what we want, and to want it right now?

I think that Heaven is much like putting something into layaway.
When you put something into layaway, you take your chosen item(s) to the
layaway counter, they tag the item with a number, and hold it in the back
of the store. In the meantime, you make payments on the item(s) until it
is fully paid for, at which time you may take your item(s) home with you.
Heaven, in many ways, is like that.

When we store our treasures in Heaven, we are laying them away for a later
date. A lifetime later. And, this can be a challenge. Because, unlike our earthly
purchases, we don't get to see the heavenly treasures first. We don't get to touch
and feel them. We can't pick what we want off a rack, hand it to a clerk, and
watch her put it in the back room. However, we are given a number,
we just don't know when we will be turning it in.

We don't get to see the room or house that the Lord is building for us either. It's like
hiring a contractor to build you a house, but you don't get to see it until it is finished.

And, our treasures in Heaven aren't paid for with cash. But, with blood and
sacrifice. Jesus' blood. And, the sacrifices we make here on earth.

We know there is something better awaiting us on the other side, but it
can be hard sometimes to make investments when we can't even see
our progress. Sometimes it feels like it is in vain. But, God tells us that it is not.
He tells us to keep going. To keep doing. Because someday, we will reap the
rewards. We only need to keep putting it away and to wait.

Colossians 3:23-24~ "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not
for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.
You are serving the Lord Christ."

Galatians 6:9~ "And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season
we will reap, if we do not give up."

Mathew 6:33~ "But seek first the kingdom of God and His rightousness,
and all these things will be added to you."

Hebrews 13:16~ "Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have,
for such sacrifices are pleasing to God."

Not Making Friends

I recently read a post by a hard of hearing woman who shared her frustration
about not being able to make friends. She has many acquaintances, but no true-blue,
have-your-back anytime, kind of friends. I share her frustration. And like her, I've
searched deep within myself, trying to figure out what was wrong with me.
I'm not so sure that there is anything wrong with me besides being different.
I think that it is really several things working at once.

First, I'm hard of hearing; I'm not deaf, so I don't experience the close knit
friendships that are within the deaf community. So, I don't have deaf friends.
I'm also not a hearing person. Though, I do try to "fit in" the hearing culture
as best as I can, I often miss out on conversations with hearing people.
They generally speak fast, interrupt conversations on a regular basis,
stop carrying on a conversation midway so that they can check their cell phones,
or take a call, and they do not seem to care much for slowing down or repeating
things so that I may understand them better. I have no close hearing friends.

I also don't care much to listen to whining and complaining. I have to lip-read when
folks talk to me and  it wears me out. I want to spend my time lip-reading someone
or a conversation that is worth my time and energy. I don't mean to come across
as being cold, but it can be physically and mentally draining to lip-read. I want
to make the most of it.

I know someone who really enjoys talking and shooting the breeze.
She can start up a conversation with anyone. It's a nice quality to possess.
But, she also thoroughly enjoys complaining about nearly everything.
Housework, aches and pains, the kids, the husband's job, on and on it goes.
It amazes me that she has so many friends, and that they actually listen to
her go on and on.  I've tried to emphasize with her, but I just couldn't do it
anymore. Once, I tried to help her see the bright side, and point out the
abundance of blessings that she had, and she simply grew irate with me.
So, we rarely speak unless circumstances place us in the same room.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I don't vent when feeling frustrated,
angry, or hurt. I do. And, upon further reading of my blog, you would see
that is true.  But, there is a difference between complaining to gain the
sympathy of others, and venting to clear your head in order to find a solution.
Many people don't want a solution, they want to merely complain.
So, they end up sounding like a broken record. I don't get it.

The other thing that I noticed about myself is that I don't tend to talk about
such things as make-up, shoes, clothes, etc. They are things that I wear, not
things that I discuss. I would much rather share ideas about homeschooling,
faith, Bible scripture, how to help others in need, etc. But, it has proven
difficult to find someone who also enjoys discussing those same topics.  

So, it is with the combination of all these things, that I believe that I don't
make friends easily. I have to add that internet friends are very nice, but
I want someone that I can sit across the table from, while sharing a pot
of coffee or a pitcher of sweet tea. I know that there are a few ladies online
that would make excellent friends, but there is too much distance
between us to get together for face to face visiting. And, I really enjoy
seeing someone in person. I'm sure they do as well.

Another poster mentioned that it is quality that matters, and not quantity.
And, I do agree. One excellent friend is worth many acquaintances.
And, I suppose that one good friend would be my husband. I did marry
him, after all! But, it would still be a treasure to have that one female friend
that would go through this life with me through thick and thin, ups and downs,
good times and bad. That one friend who would discuss female matters,
and matters of the heart. There are just some things better spoken between
a sister friend than the man that holds my heart. I know, I've already tried!
(Apparently, remedies for PMS is not a topic high on his "Things to Discuss
with My Wife Today" list.)  

So, I'll keep doing what I've been doing.... praying.
Praying for good friends.

" Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labor.
For if they fall, the one will lift up his companion: but woe to him who is alone
when he falls; for he has no one to help him up."
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

 

Contemplating Age

So, in two months I'll be turning 40.
It doesn't feel like it. I feel like I'm only 29.
Going on 30. Or maybe even going on 20.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about turning 40.
Some sadness, because I always thought that my mom would
be here when I turned forty. If she were here, she would be 
ribbing me about it, we'd be laughing, and I'd actually be looking
forward to the first day of being in my forth decade. She would be the
first to call me like she always did, because she wanted to be the very 
first one to wish me a happy birthday. This makes me miss her. 
So, I feel a little sad. 

Other times, I feel like I should be re-inventing myself.
I want to do the things that I missed out on during the first
forty years of my life. I didn't get to go out much when I
was younger, or have too much fun because my mom and (especially) 
my step-father were overly strict. How strict? I still had a curfew 
at age 21. I wasn't a trouble maker. I didn't do drugs or smoke. 
I had a "real" job. They were just overly controlling. Then, I got married, 
the babies began coming, and it was time to settle down. I still have 
the kids to care for and raise until they're ready to go on their own. 
And, that won't be for a while yet. (Thankfully.)

So, sometimes I wonder if I should do something crazy.
Not stupid crazy. But fun crazy. Like take a trip out west.
Go swim in the Pacific Ocean. Or go to the Florida Keys.
Dye my hair purple. But, I do know that I'm tired of feeling
like my life is passing by while I live in a box. My husband 
got to live overseas while he was in the Navy. I cannot help 
wondering, "When will it be my turn to go travel overseas? 
Will it ever be my turn to live in a faraway place?"

And, on a rare occasion, I dread my birthday rolling around. 
I don't have close friends here to celebrate it with me.
At least not at this time. That may change in the future, 
but that is not how it looks so far. And, yes, I am grateful 
that I can celebrate with my husband and children.
But, they have to love me. Friends choose to love a person. 
I admit it, I'm greedy; for I want both!

In any event, there is no stopping the day from arriving. 
The evidence of growing older makes itself visible more 
and more every passing day. 

Part of me feels like I'm trying to slam the breaks on getting older.
Part of me wants to embrace it. After all, growing older is a 
privilege that is not enjoyed by everyone. 

Maybe, when the day finally arrives, I'll simply count my blessings, 
blow out the candles, and hope for another forty years so I may spend 
them with my husband and children.  

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."
Proverbs 31:30

  

The Business of Marriage

Ok, so let me say this first: I DO love my husband with all my 

heart, only second to God.

That being said, Man, it is a lot of work to be married! And, some days, 

the very man that I'd lay my life down for, I could also strangle with both my hands.

There, I said it! 

I know it isn't his fault though. It's not mine either. It is our differences that 

drive me mad. It's not knowing how to make those differences work together 

to streangthen us that makes me crazy. It's my inability to see how God intended

our differences to fit and work together that make me think of reaching for

my frying pan and.........um, well, never mind that. But, you get the idea. 

I really don't know what God was thinking when He brought us together. 

Seriously!

Ok, let me give you the low-down......

Him: pack rat extraordinaire (but not a hoarder; he has his standards)

Me: minimalist

Him: he drives too fast

Me: I drive to slow

Him: homebody

Me: I can be a homebody, but I also want to parrrr-taaay!

Him: spend money

Me: save money

Him: Catholic

Me: Bunny believer (I jump to the church that feels like "home" to me, 

not because it is a certain denomination)

Him: ADD~ he can't remember what I tell him

Me: HOH (hard of hearing) I can't hear what he tells me

Him: Very patient

Me: Not

See what I mean? I also know that God puts people in our lives to teach us 

lessons about ourselves, but I seem to keep missing the lessons. 

I don't think that I'm being closed minded. I think that I just don't see.

That I'm "blind" to the lessons.  I'm physically deaf, and spiritually blind! 

What a combination! 

I read my Bible, searching for clues, and yet I still do not see them.

And, this drives me crazier still. 

I guess it's just that after nearly 16 years of marriage, I thought

I'd have it figured out by now. Instead, I still feel like I'm groping 

my way in the dark.  And, sometimes it feels like there isn't even any 

light for the step that I'm on. During that time, I can only sit, read, 

and wait.

But, I think that there is a clue hidden in the Love chapter. (1 Corinthians 13) 

This chapter has been on my heart the past few days. 

I read the words. I see the words. I just don't see how they answer my 

question of, "How do we make our differences work together?"

I'm still spiritually blind. But eventually though, I think that He'll let me "see"

the way to make our differences work for a greater good. 

In the meantime, I'm going to keep sitting, reading, praying, and waiting.

"But blessed are your eyes, for they see, and your ears, for they hear."

Matthew 13:16 (KJV)

Moved Out/In

So, it was like we were at the bottom of the fourth quarter, the score was not
in our favor and we were seriously running out of time......

We had three days left on our contract with our agent to sell our house when
we finally got some Lookers. Then, after they looked at our house, they
negotiated with us, and we had a deal! That was the easy part. It all
went downhill from there.

Nearly everything that could go wrong, nearly did.
It involved inspectors, structural engineers (people who have a degree in
making your life a living hell, or helping you buy a sound house, depending
on which side of the fence you're on), transfer of photos malfunctioning
to said engineer, more packing then originally thought, not finding an apartment
before our move out date, and being transient.

Yet, through it all, I did see God's hand. Each time I could only see a dead end,
God opened up another door for us.  Each time I thought that something would
end the entire process, God saw us through it. It was incredible to watch as
it all unfolded.

So, we were "transient" for a week with no where to go, so we were temporary
residents of the Super 8 Motel. Our stuff stowed away in a storage unit.
We weren't done yet.......

We prayed over getting a single particular apartment because
nothing else would work. Here's why............
A.) Some places don't allow pets
B.) Some places didn't have three bedrooms
C.) Some places should have been shut down because they could
have been classified as slums.

And, once again, God came through for us. Paperwork was pushed through
more quickly then usual, and we were in before my husband had to go back
to work.

We have moved approximately 10 times during our sixteen years of marriage.
Some were short distance.... like across the hall, others were nearly
halfway across the country. But, I think that the move to our current
apartment was by far the hardest move we've ever done. On every level:
emotionally, physically, and time-wise. We've only owned two houses.
But, this was by far the hardest one to sell. And, it was also the most
difficulty we've ever had finding an apartment.

The first eight years of our marriage were like a crazy roller coaster ride.
We were job hopping, going from one place to another. Trying to figure out
how to carve out a life in this world. That is when we moved the most.
The second eight years were the complete opposite......
we lived in a small mid-western town surrounded by corn.
Now, we're back in an apartment, just like when we started
our new life together. (Ok, it isn't exactly the same.
We have a few kids in tow with too many toys trailing behind.)
But, I'm excited to see what the next 8 years bring our way.
I hope it's another fun-filled roller coaster ride!

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the Lord, "plans to 
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~ Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)