Her final resting place

So, I finally saw my mom's final resting place.
It was on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. 
October 8th, 2011. Almost exactly 10 months 
after she passed away. A day with a clear blue
sky, the sun shining. 

Me, my cousin, my mom's best friend, and two
more of her close friends gathered at the cemetery.
I read Footprints In the Sand, then I read a piece
that I had typed here, on my blog, called 
Flip Flops in Heaven. Then, I read what I wanted to say, 
and finally, my cousin read the poem called,
When I'm an Old Woman, I Shall Wear Purple.
This was my mom's favorite poem. And, we all 
got a chuckle out of it. I'm glad too, I wanted things
to end on a lighter note. 


We put flowers on top of the wall that her ashes are placed into,
poured some beer for her, and stood in silence for a moment.....
remembering. Her life, and what she meant to us. 


Then, we all went out to lunch at the Wooden Spoon. 
Afterwards, we parted, and went our own ways. 


There is something good about finally having seen my 
mom's resting place. I can have peace knowing that she
is finally at peace. I can breathe. 


But, with peace also came more grief. 
It was like a dam had been broken, and all the 
pent-up emotions had been released. All the feelings 
that I didn't let go of before, came rushing forward later. 


I still struggle. I still hurt. Every time I think of 
another thing that I forgot at the house, I sob
and cry. I keep telling myself that it's "just stuff".
But, it's getting harder. Because some of the "stuff"
had deep meaning for me. And, I fear that I'll never
get any of that "stuff" back. Things that I had planned
on passing to my own children. Things that I had given 
to my mother. Gifts. A nativity set. A coffee cup. 
Christmas ornaments that I had made. If I ever see 
these things again, it will be a miracle only from God. 


Life goes forward. The pain is still there. But, I have
to push on. For me, for my family. I have to believe that
God will make this better somehow. And I do believe He will.
Thank-you, God. 
For carrying me through. 
For helping me. 
Thank-you.