Analogies and Surprises

So, I've been thinking. About grief.
Or, more accurately, what it's like going through grief. And, coming out of it.
Two ideas stand out most strongly in my mind.

The first idea is a cliche of sorts. 
It is a tunnel. My mother's death put me at the opening of the tunnel. 
Going through it was grief. And, coming out was healing and light.


I distinctly remember, just before leaving to go see my mom's resting place, 
having a picture in my mind. I was standing at the end of the tunnel. I wasn't quite out
all the way. But, I was standing right at the threshold of stepping out into the light. 
Then, a few days after I'd seen her resting place, I remember experiencing a huge 
sigh of relief. I realized then, that I was finally out. Out of the darkness. Out of the tunnel.
I envisioned myself standing in a meadow, the warm sun shining down on me, 
with the opening of the end of the long, dark tunnel behind me. I had finally made it out!


The other picture that I had was a cocoon. I think that grief is like metamophesis.
It's like being inside a cocoon. All the while I was inside the cocoon, I was going 
through grief. I twisted, I cried, I hurt. I hated being inside of it.
But, in some way, the cocoon was like God's protection. The cocoon is wrapped around
the body of the caterpillar as it grows and changes. And, God wrapped Himself 
around me, to protect me as I grieved and healed. Other times, I think that He used 
my loved ones to protect me. They sort of made a protective support for me, so that I 
could go through a painful process that I didn't understand. And, for this, I am grateful.  
Shortly, after seeing my mother's resting place, I realized that I was finally a butterfly. 
I was free! This is not to imply that I'll never miss my mom or hurt again; 
but that the hardest part was FINALLY over. 
I went through the process, and now I'm done!

 When someone would hurt me in life, or treat me unfairly, 
my mother would always tell me, "What goes around, comes around".  
Those words echo in my mind. I suppose that's one reason why I tried 
to be kind to my step-father this past year, even though I don't think 
that he deserve it. As I mentioned in a previous post, I sent him a birthday card. 
I kept it simple. Well, it's been almost a month since his birthday came and went. 
And, you can probably imagine my surprise (and fear) when I discovered an e-mail 
waiting in my box from him. I hadn't heard a word from him in 4 months. 
But, the surprising thing was really that he used more humble words in his recent e-mail. 
He didn't use words that were sharp, or haughty. It almost sounded like grief was finally 
catching up to him. He might be just starting to go through what I had been 
suffering through this entire past year. 


I think about my journey this past year. I think about all the pain, hurt, 
suffering, and how much I leaned on family and God. 
I think it's sad, really. I've finally just stepped out of the tunnel and/or cocoon;
and he may be just beginning to enter. But, he'll have to find his own way. 
He can go it alone, or go it with God. But, only God can truly go through it
with him. Just as God went through it with me. I truly hope that he finds God, 
and that he finds his way. 

Lord, please turn his heart toward You, and show him the way. Amen.