Spreadin' The Love

Ok, I've decided that I'm gonna  spread some love!

Well, maybe it's not exactly love, but I AM going to try and make some people happy!

I've been reading a book called, "One Simple Act: Discovering the Power of Generosity", 

by Debbie Macomber.  And, she has some pretty good ideas. I also took some ideas that

I found online on a website called, RandomActsofKindness.com. 

And, did I mention? I'm very excited! 

I went to a fast food place, bought several gift cards worth $5.00 each. 

I will place one card inside a blank greeting card, put it in an envelope, 

and place them in random places. The kids were really excited about 

trying to think of creative places to leave the cards. I'm pretty excited too!

Along with each gift card, we'll include a fun, light-hearted tract; 

a gentle way to lead people to Christ. This seems to be the most laid back approach.  

Then, there is the project that I'm doing in honor of my mom. 

When my mom went through chemotherapy, I did some research online 

and I would send her care packages that included things that I hoped 

would ease her discomfort and help her on her journey to recovery.  

I was told about a cancer patient just this week. She will be the first recipient

of this project. It will be a tote bag filled with items that I hope will 

make her journey a little easier.  

But perhaps more importantly, I'm going to try and remember to pray 

for each individual that finds one of the gift cards. And, we'll be praying 

for each cancer patient who receives a tote bag. Prayer is simple, but powerful. 

It can be the best act of kindness that we choose to do for one another. 

What random act of kindness will you do today? 

Searching for blessings

We live a somewhat isolated life.
We live in a town with a population of 900.
When I first saw this town, Mayberry came to mind. 
I envisioned my kids spending carefree days riding their bikes 
through the town, kids running through my house grabbing 
handfuls of homemade chocolate chip cookies and Popsicles, 
and many slumber parties and sleepovers. 

But, the reality is something more akin to Nightmare on Elm Street.
Sure, we're safe. There are no boogie men; none that I know of anyhow. 
But, nearly every single person in town shuns us because we're 
not "from here".  We, my husband and I, were not born and raised here, 
so, our family will never be accepted.  I went and talked to our local priest 
(who is also an "outsider"),  and he confirmed my fears. He told me that 
in small towns like ours, you must spend at least three generations in a place 
before you're fully accepted. Really? Who has that kind of time? 

My husband has been keeping his eyes open for new job opportunities 
for the past six years. But, it seems that the Lord is determined 
to keep us here. I have prayed for a move. I've begged for a move. 
 I've even dug deep to try and find the positive side of living here. 
Some days it can be hard. The kids have no friends to play with.
I have nobody close to sit and share a cup of coffee with.  

Before you start thinking to yourself, "Well, sign the kids up in some activities, 
then they'll meet some friends". I've tried several, even in different towns. 
But, we are still not accepted into the community circle. I moved 10 times
since I was married and before we finally moved here. I can think of only 
one other time when we were ignored. It too was a small town. But, the upside
of that situation was that we were only a short drive from a bustling tourist 
area where the people were more friendly in general. A long drive here,
and we don't fair much better then the ignorance in our own town.

On a slightly different note, I used to sit and fantasize about how much
happier I'd be if we could "just move". I thought that my anger issues would
all dissolve if we could "just move". But, I've learned during this Lenten season, 
that I would have been angry and unhappy no matter where we lived. 
I would have found fault with any location. I'm glad that God 
has shown me this wisdom. I know it doesn't mean that everything 
will be perfect now. But, I have noticed that instead of getting angry, 
I get to the root of the emotion, and I bounce back and move on much more quickly. 
I'm also shifting my focus away from moving, being unhappy and angry, 
and redirecting it to things like how to create joy within our family, and what
I can do for others. So far, it has proven to be a positive experience. I don't know
why I'm surprised. The Bible talks about how if we take our focus off of ourselves, 
and aim it to serving others, we'll find much happiness and gratification. 
These days, instead of praying, "Lord, please let us move." I pray, 
"Lord, please show me  how I can lift my family's spirit, and how I can help others."

Because I've changed my focus, I think that if God does ever let us move elsewhere, 
I believe that I'll find the joy much more easily in the place where God planted us. 
And, I think I'll be able to go with the flow better too. It's like I told my kids, "If we
can find blessings in living here, it will be much easier to find new blessings anywhere".  


To finding new joy, new friends, and new blessings. Amen!

 
 

 

 

Who Knew?

I had no idea. 
My van was totaled over a month ago by a 13 year old girl. 
Her mother let her drive the vehicle in town. 
The girl came around the corner too fast, and smashed into my
van head on which was sitting parked, in my yard. 

Fast forward. Today the insurance company of the guilty party
came and towed my van away. I sobbed. I grieved.

Flash back about 1 1/2 years ago. 
My mom came to visit us. She came with my step-dad.
They always camped in their camper at the same campground.
I remember driving my mom back to the campground in my van 
after she had come to visit my house. I remember dropping her off. 
I remember giving her a hug. Waving good-bye as she stood outside
of the camper waving back to me.
That was the very last time I ever saw her alive.  
My heart grieves yet again. 

I feel like things keep being taken from me before I'm ready. 
My step-dad got rid of many things that belonged to my mom 
without even asking if I would like to have them. 
He took the privilege of ever visiting the house again away from me.
He has made no effort to contact me in the past 5 months. 
My van was hit and totaled. I had to give it up too. 

I know, the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. 
Maybe He's trying to prepare me for losing something bigger.
Like my house. My home was the last place that I visited with my mom.
The curtains that hang in my kitchen window, were hand-made by her. 
The wreath that hangs on my kitchen wall, was made by her loving hands.   
The picture hanging in the corner, was given to me and 
hung with care by her.


You know, maybe it's not such a bad thing. 
The last time I saw her was here, in my home, and at the campground.
I am surrounded by her pictures. I still have my curtains up on the
window. I still have the wreath and picture hanging up right where
she hung them for me.  

And, I pass the campground every time I go into town to shop.
I have laid flowers several times in the spot they liked best to park
their camper. Every time I pass the campground, I'm reminded of the
fun that we had together. How much she loved spending time with us. 


I see now, that her visit here was a blessing in disguise.
I am surrounded by the things she made for me with love. 
The very last memory I have of her takes place here, in my home.
And, at the campground, where she played with her grandchildren.
Because of this, I can take my time. I can see her here. 

If my last visit with her had been in her home, I would have lost even more.
I would not be able to walk back through the house and see the memories come alive
in my mind when I'm having a bad day. I have a photo (of her last visit here) 
that was taken of her while she was sitting on the couch surrounded by the kids. 
It's my couch. I can touch it, and know that she was here. I can touch the curtains 
she made for me, and feel the love she put into them. I can look at the tulips 
that we planted in my garden, and see the memory that we created together. 

Maybe I have more then I thought. 
I guess I just needed to dig a little deeper and look a little harder. 
Thank-you God, for blessing me with my mom's last visit being here in my home.
Thank-you for showing me that I have more then I could see. :o)
Please continue to open my eyes and heal my heart. Amen. 

 

 
 
 

Transparent Heart

"You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one.

But if I do judge, my decisions are right, because I am not alone.

I stand with the Father, who sent me."  John 8:15~16

Judgment.
We all do it.
We all know that it is wrong.
To judge another by their flaws.

I've started a side lesson about generosity and gratitude with my children.
How, typically, these two things work in a cycle together.
The more grateful someone becomes, the more generosity they express towards others.
This lead to a conversation about how we could show generosity to other people
that are outside of our family and home.  This, in turn, lead to another conversation.
And, this is where the scripture comes in.

I was telling my children how I wished we humans had the capacity to see the
feelings and emotions in the heart of another.  Would we be more careful about the
words we chose to speak? Would we use the emotions against each other?
Would we be slow to judge? The Bible tells us not to judge.
God judges us because he can see our actions and our emotions.
He is the only one true judge.

We started to talk about what it might look like if we could see the emotions of
everyone around us. The first thought that came to mind was that of an alien
creature named E.T.. A movie about an alien that came down to visit Earth,
and was accidentally left behind. In the movie, his heart glowed red through his chest.
Why can't we be like that?  If we had the ability to do that, would we hide our feelings,
or would we expose them for all to see?

With further discussion, we decided that if we had been created with a way for our
emotions to be visible, we thought that it might work much like a mood ring.
Remember those? Supposedly, if you were happy, it would turn a certain color;
if you were grieved, it would change another color. 

So, here you have human beings with slightly transparent skin, with an illuminating
color aura either where our heart beats, or directly in the center of our chest.
The colors would change, swirl, combine, separate, fade, brighten and glow.

I wondered, if we had this ability, would we be more understanding? Would we help
each other more often? Would we be more likely to approach a stranger on the street?
Or, would we manipulate our colors in order to deceive others? Would we use it
to harm someone who was already feeling down?

Maybe if we could see the heart of another, we wouldn't be so quick to pass judgment.
I might be more inclined to offer a grieved stranger with a heart of blue some comfort.
Or, I might be more likely to walk up to a perfect stranger on the street
with a heart of purple, and offer assistance. The store clerk that snapped
at you would have a heart of red if she was feeling upset about something.
Maybe you could offer some kind words to bring her a little joy.
Maybe you could leave a little more money for the tired and worried
waitress with a heart of purple who waited on your table.

I think we would also be able to help our children understand their emotions
better if we could see just how they were feeling. And, maybe we wouldn't
disappoint them so often because we would see how it grieved their heart.
But, we would also be able to see when their joy and happiness
truly shone through.

I admit, I am jealous that God can see our emotions and read our hearts
and we cannot. Or, maybe it's good that we cannot see them. Maybe it
wouldn't be as pretty as I'd like to think. Maybe, we would see primarily
black or gray from all the sin that we commit.

Either way, God did not give to us what I would consider to be an awesome thing.
So, for now, we must continue to navigate the feelings and emotions
of others with care and caution. We must not judge another.
Jesus did not come here to judge us, so why would we do so to each other?
We'll all be judged one day. And, the Bible tells us that we will be judged
as we judged others. So, though not always easy, we should simply love and forgive.
You just cannot go wrong with that!


If you're interested in learning more about generosity and gratitude, check out the
book called, One Simple Act:  Discovering the Power of Generosity  by Debbie Macomber.

Heart Stages

I feel like since my mom passed away in December of 2010, 
my heart has undergone several major renovations. 
I call them: heart stages.

Stage 1. Unbroken~  
Before my mom passed away life was good. 
Whole. Complete. Unbroken. 
There was no major pain or loss in my life. 
My heart was intact.

Stage 2. Shattered~  
Life as I knew it was over. 
Broken. Shattered. Irreparable.
My heart felt like it had been shattered 
into a million splintered pieces.

Stage 3. Together/but empty~ 
Grief was over. Healing began.
Cracked. Empty. Transparent. 
God had mended my broken heart back together.

Stage 4. Filling with toxic waste~
My heart was empty. Filling with toxic poison.
Emotional. Psychological. Physical.
An empty heart leaves room for the devil to take a foothold. 

Stage 5. Empty again~
Toxic waste is out. Healing began again. 
Scrubbed. Transparent. Clean. 
Prayed and repented to God. 

Stage 6. Heart filling up~
My heart is filling up and overflowing.
Renewed. Growing. Hope. 
I want my heart to overflow with gratitude, love,
respect, compassion, patience, and all things good.      

Stage 7. Rest~
I can rest assured knowing that God is in control. 
Pray. Wait. Trust. Obey.
I will continue to abide in Him, and He abide in me.     

  
This sums up the past year of my life.  
It's been a long, painful, dark road to travel. 
But, I now see the light. 
I'm so glad that God is so forgiving.
And, I'm thankful that my husband loves me unconditionally. 
I am truly blessed!      

Prayin' and Readin'

Wow! 

I am amazed at the work that God has been doing in my life lately!

During this Lenten season, I've been spending a lot of time 

either reading or in prayer. 

I've been praying that He would cleanse me from the inside out. 

I've been reading books about the areas that I desperately needed cleansing.

Those two things together have been proving to have incredible results. 

I needed to learn anger management. I prayed and read.

I needed to learn to forgive and move on. I prayed and read. 

I needed to stop trying to control everything in my life. I prayed and read.

I needed to learn to tame my tongue. I prayed and read.

I needed to learn how to respect my husband. I prayed and read.

I needed to understand God's unconditional love for me. I prayed and read.

I also had some serious repenting to do. 

I prayed and wept. And, prayed some more.

It is amazing how free I feel after repenting for my sins.

This doesn't mean that my life is perfect now in any way.

Far from it. But, I think that I am growing in a closer relationship with God these days.

I take everything to Him. Committing to be obedient in Him.

And, my reward? 

I've been longing for years that my husband would pray with me.

When I first asked him to pray with me several years ago, 

he was uncomfortable. It felt unnatural to him to pray out loud.

I grew angry and frustrated with him because I wanted him to 

pray out loud. I wanted him to pray my way. 

I let it go for a long time. Then, last night, I took the tools that I 

learned recently, and applied them. I gently asked him 

if he would pray for and with me. I told him he could pray silently or out loud.

I told him it was his choice, and I'd be satisfied with either one that he decided. 

We held hands. I waited. Then, he began to pray out loud! 

Imagine my surprise! 

This, I knew, was my reward from God. 

I have been asking for God to help my husband and I find a way 

to pray together that worked for both of us. 

My husband's prayers meant so much to me; and they touched a depth in my

heart and soul that I don't think that he can even begin to fathom. A depth that

I've been longing for him to touch with prayer for so long. 

It is an awesome thing!

There is still much time before the Lenten season is finished yet. 

But, I am so grateful for all that God has given and shown me thus far.

I cannot imagine what more He holds in store for me! 

May God bless you during this Lenten season and open your eyes to 

new possibilities!  :o)  

Lenten Season

It is well into the Lenten season.

 During this Lenten season, I've been spending much time with God.

And, in doing so, I've been learning to let go of so much more.

Letting go of old anger, hurts, bad habits, worry, anxiety, fear, control (or rather, the illusion of it)

criticism, and complaining. 

It's been hard. But, God has already been working inside my heart; I can tell. 

Instead of getting angry, I pray. 

Instead of criticizing, I look for the bright side of the situation. 

I don't try to control things anymore. 

And, I don't get as frustrated when things don't go as planned.

I let go, and let God. 

He is in the pilot seat now. 

I just don't want to be in that position anymore. 

It's too stressful. Too painful. Too heavy. It just wears me out.

Now, I just let God. 

I let Him guide me.

I let Him show me.

I let Him lead me.

And, I pray.

I wait. 

I listen. 

I follow. 

Yes, I've been letting go of so much more lately. 

Only this time, it is good. 

I've been struggling with anger for a long time.

I lashed out, spoke harshly; I made my own family miserable.

My mind would race and race with anger. It seemed that it controlled me.

I knew that things needed to change. 

For years, I felt like I was in a straight-jacket of anger. 

I wiggled, I twisted, I turned, I pulled, but I never got loose.

Then, I prayed, and I admitted to God that I was not in control of anything.

Nothing. 

That was so painful. 

But, this was the key to my freedom. 

As soon as I prayed and admitted that I was in control of nothing; the shackles fell to the ground.

God purged the anger from my heart. He broke the grip that it had on me.

I could feel myself breathe in deeply as if I hadn't taken a deep breath in years. 

I knew then, that it was over. God had set me free.   

I was no longer a prisoner to anger. 

I prayed about old hurts too. 

And, God set me free from those as well. 

It has been amazing! 

All this time, I thought, "If only we could move, things would be so much better!"

But, in truth, nothing would have been better if we moved, because I was still the same.

Would I still like to move? Most certainly. But, I see now, that it's not the place that makes

things better, but the person. I would've been miserable no matter where we lived.

I needed God to scrub out my heart and fill it with His goodness. 

And, thankfully He has! 

 

The Lenten season isn't over yet, and I'm very excited to see what 

the Lord will reveal to me next. I can hardly wait! 

May our heart be filled with goodness, love and joy.