Who Knew?

I had no idea. 
My van was totaled over a month ago by a 13 year old girl. 
Her mother let her drive the vehicle in town. 
The girl came around the corner too fast, and smashed into my
van head on which was sitting parked, in my yard. 

Fast forward. Today the insurance company of the guilty party
came and towed my van away. I sobbed. I grieved.

Flash back about 1 1/2 years ago. 
My mom came to visit us. She came with my step-dad.
They always camped in their camper at the same campground.
I remember driving my mom back to the campground in my van 
after she had come to visit my house. I remember dropping her off. 
I remember giving her a hug. Waving good-bye as she stood outside
of the camper waving back to me.
That was the very last time I ever saw her alive.  
My heart grieves yet again. 

I feel like things keep being taken from me before I'm ready. 
My step-dad got rid of many things that belonged to my mom 
without even asking if I would like to have them. 
He took the privilege of ever visiting the house again away from me.
He has made no effort to contact me in the past 5 months. 
My van was hit and totaled. I had to give it up too. 

I know, the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. 
Maybe He's trying to prepare me for losing something bigger.
Like my house. My home was the last place that I visited with my mom.
The curtains that hang in my kitchen window, were hand-made by her. 
The wreath that hangs on my kitchen wall, was made by her loving hands.   
The picture hanging in the corner, was given to me and 
hung with care by her.


You know, maybe it's not such a bad thing. 
The last time I saw her was here, in my home, and at the campground.
I am surrounded by her pictures. I still have my curtains up on the
window. I still have the wreath and picture hanging up right where
she hung them for me.  

And, I pass the campground every time I go into town to shop.
I have laid flowers several times in the spot they liked best to park
their camper. Every time I pass the campground, I'm reminded of the
fun that we had together. How much she loved spending time with us. 


I see now, that her visit here was a blessing in disguise.
I am surrounded by the things she made for me with love. 
The very last memory I have of her takes place here, in my home.
And, at the campground, where she played with her grandchildren.
Because of this, I can take my time. I can see her here. 

If my last visit with her had been in her home, I would have lost even more.
I would not be able to walk back through the house and see the memories come alive
in my mind when I'm having a bad day. I have a photo (of her last visit here) 
that was taken of her while she was sitting on the couch surrounded by the kids. 
It's my couch. I can touch it, and know that she was here. I can touch the curtains 
she made for me, and feel the love she put into them. I can look at the tulips 
that we planted in my garden, and see the memory that we created together. 

Maybe I have more then I thought. 
I guess I just needed to dig a little deeper and look a little harder. 
Thank-you God, for blessing me with my mom's last visit being here in my home.
Thank-you for showing me that I have more then I could see. :o)
Please continue to open my eyes and heal my heart. Amen.