Re-decorating

Re-decorating. 
I want to do some re-decorating so much. 
But, I can't.
I want to take down the cloth shower curtain, 
but I can't.
I want to re-arrange some pictures, 
but I can't. 
I can't because my home was the last place I saw my mom alive. 
And, I don't want to change anything. 
I'm afraid to change anything. 
I'm afraid that it will hurt.
That I'll forget her. 


My solution? 
I want to move. 
I figure that if we move, it will be a fresh start. 
New textiles, new pictures, new things; with some of the
old mingled in together. 
A new location, new scenery, with a hint of the familiar.
Hopefully new friends, fresh faces, while not forgetting the 
loyal, familiar friends and family we leave behind. 

Dusting off the last of the old, stale grief.
Storing her in my heart where she belongs, 
and where she will be close and not forgotten.


I'm not running away. Just starting over.
Looking for a positive change.
I need something wonderfully different in my life.  
An awesome opportunity. 


My husband has applied for just such an opportunity. 
He applied for a new job in a new state. 
I try not to get carried away. 
But my heart cannot help but leap and hope in the 
unknown possibilities. 
Inspiration is being awakened again.
I know that this is all in God's hands. 
It's all about His will for us.
In the meantime, we wait patiently and pray.