Emotional Sunburn

Grief is an emotional sunburn where each person experiences 
varying degrees of pain. 

We were on the other side of the world when we got the news.
We knew it would happen. My husband's father was ill and only growing worse.
With our laptop open, my husband and I were sitting on our bed, talking idly.
I took a sharp breath, and then the words tumbled out of my mouth:
"Your father died." I quickly looked at my husband to see how he would respond.
He just sat quietly, looking down. I asked him if he was alright. 
He answered, "Yes, I'll be fine." He gave a small smile of reassurance.
And, then said, "I knew this was coming. He was sick." And, for the most
part, that was it. 

This was a sharp contrast to my own experience. 
We were three states away. 
I knew it was going to happen. The Holy Spirit told me so.
I got a call after getting home from a long day of Christmas shopping
to come home as soon as possible. We threw some clothes in a few
duffle bags and raced out the door. When we arrived at the hospital
seven hours later during the middle of the night, I ran inside and asked
what floor my mother was located. The receptionist told me, and I 
raced to the elevator. I still believed that she was alive. I ran more
to find a nurse to ask what room she was in. And, that's when she 
told me, "Marge died." Just like that. I collapsed to the floor. 
Every ounce of strength drained out of my being. I just sat there 
sobbing saying over and over agian, "No! No! No!"

My husband knew that there was a good chance that he wouldn't 
be pressent when his father passed away, and he was alright with that.
I had an entirely different idea of how things would be when my mom 
passed away. I expected to be sitting by her bedside, holding her hand
as she exhaled her last breath. 

My husband has three brothers. I am an only child. 
This also affects the degree of pain from grief. 
An only child tends to have a closer relationship with
their parents, then children with sibblings.

These are just some of the factors that determine how much
an emotional sunburn from grief will hurt. It amazes me how
the degree can be so varied and so wide from person to person. 
And how differently each individual deals with grief. 
In the end, we all must walk through each step 
in our own time and in our own way.

Salon Experience

Ok, so I needed to get a hair trim and high lights because
my soul is much younger then my body, and I would rather 
project the age of my soul. Life is more fun that way! 

So, I ask Husband to make an appointment for me
at the salon on base. 
The time arrives and I get there a little early.
My hairstylist is a young Japanese girl. 
With help of another stylist, I explain what I would
like done until she understands. (Well, at least partly.)
I was a bit nervous because I had no idea what to expect,
plus, I had read a few negative reviews about the stylists. 

So, I'm sitting in the chair, she is ready to go. 
Before beginning anything, she writes down how 
much my hair cut and high lights will cost and asks
me if I agree to it. I do. So she proceeds.

First, she tears a piece of Seran wrap and places it
over the back of my shirt collar and tucks it underneath.

Then, she takes a folded hand towel and tucks it under the
back of my shirt and lays the other half over top of the back
of my shirt. 

Next, she takes another towel, drapes it over my
shoulders and pins it in the front. She takes yet another towel
and drapes it around the front of my neck and pins it in the back.

After all that, she clips about a quarter of an inch off of my hair.
She then leaves to mix the high light solution, and returns. 
She puts my high lights in. And, it takes a while longer then
what I'm used to. But, I'm patient. (Because what else am I 
going to do?) After the high lights set, she takes out the foils.

She ushers me to the sink. At this point, I'm a little nervous 
because she only cut a little bit of hair. But, I wait to see 
what she is going to do.

After I lean back with my head over the sink, she puts 
a cotton ball in each of my ears to keep the water out of them. 

She shampoos my hair, and then rinses it out. 
Next, she puts in the conditioner. After it is thoroughly
in my hair, she massages my scalp. She continues to do
that for about 5  minutes. It was the best conditioning I
had ever had in my life! I don't know how, but she 
always had the water the the perfect temperature too! 

Next, she sat me up, wrapped my head in a towel, 
took out the cotton balls and escorted me back 
to the chair. 

She scribbles a note on a piece of paper (because I told her
I cannot hear anything with my hearing aids out), "May I
give you a massage?" I enthusiastically nod my head, thinking
to myself, "This will be a nice couple of minutes." 

Let me just say....OH. MY! She massaged my head,
my temples, my neck, my shoulders, and half way 
down my spine.  She did this for about 15 minutes. 
By the time she was finished, I was almost ready 
to slide off of the chair. She was GOOD!  

Next, she proceeded to dry my hair. 
At this point I'm in a mild panic because she
hasn't cut hardly any of my hair yet. So, I ask her,
"You're going to cut more hair, right?" And, she
sweetly replied, "Yes, I cut your hair." 

She finishes blow drying my hair. Then, she 
takes a flat iron and begins to use that. 
My mild panic has now intensified.

I ask the stylist again, "You're going to cut more hair, right?"
"Yes, I cut your hair." She smiles and continues to use
the flat iron. After she is done, she brings out the sheers.

She begins to cut my hair. And, cut. And, cut.
She then brushes it. She leans over while standing in
front of me to see if it is even. She cuts. She stands and 
checks to see if my hair is even. She cuts. She checks. 
And, cuts again. She goes back and forth like this for 
about a half hour. 

Then, she styles it............ as though she is a 
perfectionist celebrity stylist. And, after she gets
it just right, we're finished. 

I tell her I love it. Because even though it wasn't what
I had in mind, it was still a great style. Plus, I am at the
mercy of the stylists on base. And, she was very good.
I tip her and then I leave. 

Let me just say, I'd pay to just have her wash
and condition my hair! The mini-massage was 
amazing!

Having said that, it took a total of 2 hours and 
15 minutes from start to finish.  It is definitely 
an experience. And, when my hair begins to show
the age of my body instead of my soul, I'll be back
in again to see her.  

Sushi Go Round

Sushi-go-round.
The first time I heard of it, I had the most bizarre image in my mind!
I imagined sea creatures made of fiberglass, painted fabulous colors
going around on a merry-go-round, including the pole, while moving
up and down. There was a shrimp, octopus, crayfish, clam, among other
edible sea animals. A family member described it perfectly, "A culinary
nightmare!" I think she's right.

But, thankfully, that is what a sushi-go-round is NOT.

I've been to one of these awesome restaurants three times now.
And, I love it! I love everything about it!

The one I frequent is near the base. It's a large, bright yellow building.
When you enter, they will ask you if you want to sit in a booth, or at the
counter. Then they will give you a number, and you go find that
number on the booth and take a seat.

To one side of the table (if you choose a booth), there is a small
computer touch screen, and below that something that can only
be described as being like a conveyor belt.

On the screen, there are different categories. One category is for
sushi as we know it (rice with another food, wrapped in seaweed),
or another kind of sushi (my favorite kind) that has a small mound
of rice topped with a thin slice of raw seafood, which will sometimes
come with a sauce or thinly sliced onions on the very top among
other things. There are other category buttons for desserts, drinks,
soup, sides, and a few other things.

You decide what you want, and then you press the button
of the item you would like. Then, you select how many of
that item you would like. And, after that, if it applies, you
press a button to indicate weather or not you want wasabi
on it. Finally, you press "Order".

Your order is then sent to the kitchen where your food is
prepared. When it is done, the chef puts it on the conveyor
belt, and when your order comes near, the computer screen
begins to make all kinds of racket and starts to flash to alert
you that your food has arrived.  You then reach over and take
the plate with the food off of the belt.

There are different meanings for the plates that go around
on the belt. If the plate of food is on top of a small platform,
then that food was ordered by someone and it belongs to them.
(Or it belongs to you if you ordered something.) However,
if a plate is sitting directly on the belt, then it is there for anyone
who wants to take it.

You generally get 2 pieces of sushi per plate.
You keep placing orders until you've had your fill.
As you're eating, you stack similar looking plates together.
Each color and style of plate represents a different price.

When you're all finished eating, and your plates are stacked,
then you press a "call" button and a wait person will come
over to your table and count up your plates and hand you the
bill. You then pay at the register.

As I mentioned, I love this kind of restaurant!
And, I like it for several reasons. One is that I
can't hear very well, and this method of ordering
food myself, eliminates the awkwardness of trying to
communicate what I would like to eat.

Another thing I like about this method of ordering food is
that it is much quicker then American restaurants.
There is no need to wait for a waiter/waitress to come
to your table, take your order, then bring you your food.
You can order right away.

The food is also much healthier and very fresh. It wasn't
sitting under a heat lamp for 30 minutes before you ordered it.
I have to say that I love Japanese sushi. I never liked sushi in
America. When I had to go to our culture class, the woman
there said, "If you've eaten sushi in America, and you didn't like
it, please try it here in Japan! It is not the same." She wasn't kidding!
Sushi in Japan is very good. I think it is like comparing an authentic
Italian pizza pie to a pizza from Pizza Hut. They're the same thing,
but only one is the real deal.

I've been to several Japanese restaurants, and I have to say that
this is probably by far my favorite type. I love the way we order,
I love the food. And, I can't wait to go back again!
   

Star Spangled Banner

So, this morning I actually managed to get moving early which meant
that I had my hearing aids turned on at a decent hour too.
(Yes, I admit it, I walk around for a while with my aids in,
but not turned on. Well, you try going from almost complete sweet
silence to being bombarded with obnoxious sounds first thing
when you wake up.)

I was just sitting down to eat my bowl of oatmeal (with way more butter
and brown sugar then I needed), when I heard the quick alert go off over
the base speaker. It wasn't a warning alert, just a reminder that our
National Anthem would be playing in 5 minutes. I continued to eat my oatmeal.

Then, I heard the Star Spangled Banner come over the base speaker,
and I stopped eating my oatmeal. Since there was nobody around,
and I was sitting in our hotel room, I wasn't quite sure what to do.
So, I just sat, quietly, listening until it ended. Then, I heard the Japanese
National Anthem over the loud speaker. I waited again until it was finished.
Then, I continued to eat my morning mush.

I felt so proud when I heard "Our Song". I felt patriotism welling up inside
of myself. But, it also made me think about what was going on back home,
and it felt like a glaring contradiction. Racial tension. Police tension.
Selfishness about "My" rights.

Every. Single. Morning. They play the US and Japanese anthem. And, when they do,
a remarkable thing happens! Every single person who happens to be outside must
stop what they are doing, face the music, take off their hat, stand up straight,
and listen as the two anthems are played. And that's not all. If you happen to be
driving on base, you must stop your vehicle, put your flasher lights on, and wait
until the anthems are finished. I think that this is amazing.

Sure, it wouldn't be so fun to stand out there if it were pouring rain. And I'll even
admit that at the sound of the 5 minute warning, you see people racing to get
inside of a building so they don't have to stand outside. But, I'm still proud
of the fact that our anthem is played everyday on base, and that rain or shine,
we must be respectful during that time by staying still.

So, what does this have to do with what is going on back at home?
I wish we could play our National Anthem at sunrise every single
morning in our own country. In every town. Maybe I'm wrong. I probably
am wrong. But, I think it would make a difference. Maybe we would feel
more united as a country and not be so deeply embroiled in division
right now. Maybe we wouldn't be dealing with an old enemy...........
racial and police tension. Maybe if playing our National Anthem
everyday garnered a sense of community, then maybe respect
would flourish. Maybe tension would diminish. And I think that
we would all agree that would be a good thing.

Please pray for our officers who protect our country on
the home front, and for our military who protect our country
home and abroad. Please also pray for the families of both.
Thank-you!


"A house divided against itself cannot stand."
~Abraham Lincoln

"Who plan evil things in their hearts; 
They continually gather together for war."
~Psalm 140:2 (NKJV)

"A hot tempered person stirs up conflict, 
but the one who is patient calms a quarrel."
~Proverbs 15:18 (NIV)

"As charcoal is to burning coals, and wood to fire, 
so is a contentious man to kindle strife."
~Proverbs 26:24 (NKJV)

Ode to the Toilet

Today I am going to tell you about what is, up until this point, the most
wonderful thing I have discovered about Japan. It is a simple thing.
It is a necessity. It goes by many names: Porcelain God, The Throne,
The Oval Office, The Latrine, The Loo, and The Can, to name a few.

There are three types of toilets in Japan.
The traditional Japanese toilet. And, their two versions of the
western toilet.

The traditional Japanese toilet can only be described as something
equivalent to an urinal that lays into the floor. When you need
to go, you'll need to squat. I have not had an urge that was so great
that I couldn't wait for a western style toilet to become available.

Now, they also have two versions of what is known as the western
style toilet. One version is very similar to what we have back
in the states. But, the second is the Holy Grail of toilets.
These people have, in my opinion, perfected the most
disgusting object in our home.

The epitome of western style toilets is made of porcelain and have a bowl
similar to our toilets in America. And, that's where all similarities end.

So, you need to use the potty. Sweet.

Japanese western toilets have a panel of buttons next to the
bowl. One button is the on/off switch to the heated seat.
Then, there is a dial or a button (can be either one) to control
how much warmth you want to radiate to your bum while
you're reading your favorite magazine. This is awesome on
frigid cold mornings when you dread leaving the warmth of
your bed just to go sit on an ice cold toilet seat.

There is another button that acts as a bidet.
(I don't think I need to explain much more about that.)
There is a dial to control the temperature of the water
shooting out, and another dial to control the pressure.

There is another spigot that will clean your um...... posterior.
There is a dial to control the temperature of the water,
and a dial that also controls the pressure.

So, now you know all the controls that will help you have
a pleasant bathroom experience.
But, wait, there's more!

The Japanese are also very polite folks.
So, when you know you're going to have to make some
noise while trying to rid of that burrito, there is yet another button
to push to imitate the sound of the flush. You push this button to
spare your neighbor from having to hear your bodily sounds.

And, right about now, you're probably thinking, "But, they're
going to smell what's going on in the stall next to them."
Ah-Ha! But, there is a button for that!
You push another button that gives a puff of nice smelling
fragrance, whereupon a fan will kick on to blow the fragrance to
(hopefully) conceal your less-then-sweet smelling odor.

So, you're all done. But first.......... pull up your britches,
button them up, BEFORE you flush! You only flush
when you're ready to wash your hands because the
water that fills your toilet tank is also the water that
you use to wash your hands. So, there is a spout
(similar to a drinking fountain), that shoots out water
from the toilet tank lid, that goes back down in an arc, and
goes into a hole that is in the toilet tank cover. When the
tank is filled, you're out of water to wash your hands.
So, you better be quick about it.

So, when it's time to head back to the States, I'll be
placing a special order to have a toilet shipped back home!  

I'd just like to add that if you ever need to use a Japanese
public restroom, you better take some soap and a small towel.
They do not provide those items. And, sometimes, there isn't
a hand dryer either. The sanitary napkin machine? Forget it!
You need to be prepared when walking out on the town in
Japan. Having this experience has made me grateful for
soap and towels or hand dryers when out and about in
the States.

I hope you'll keep following along on our adventures in Japan!

Some Japanese Etiquette #1

Upon arriving in Japan, we had to take a week long course about
This, That, and The Other Thing. Part of this class also including
a very brief overview of Japanese history, culture, and customs.
It was very fascinating, and I actually want to sit in on the class that
they have for the kids too.

I'm going to share with you some pointers that I learned from
the adult class with you here......

* In Japan, you may shake hands or bow. If you chose to bow,
NEVER, EVER, EVER make eye contact! EVER!
To bow while making eye contact is a sign of aggression.
Even if you smile while making eye contact, it is STILL rude.
To bow properly, you must bow as low as the one who gave it first.
Whoever bowed first, must stand up straight first.
You should either keep your arms and hands flat against your sides
of your body, or crossed in front of your lap while bowing.

* In Japan, volume control is a big deal. When riding any public
transportation (bus or train), everyone keeps their tone of voice down.
They also set their cell phones to vibrate or off so as not to disturb those
around them. When walking in Japan, you will not hear "BOOM! BOOM!"
coming from loud speakers in a car while it cruises by. You will also not hear
loud yelling, screaming, whining, crying, children. Even when they play,
Japanese children seem to contain their laughter to a certain volume.

* Littering is serious business in Japan! You should NEVER litter.
They are very clean, neat, and orderly. I have seen them pick up trash
off the ground that wasn't their own. In America, we think: "I'm not picking
that up because it is not mine. Let someone else take care of it". Another
point worth mentioning is that, ironically, it can be challenging to find a
trash receptacle. So, if you go to a park for a picnic lunch, there will likely
be no trash can. What should you do? You take EVERYTHING that you
brought into the park back out with you when you leave.

* Japanese nationals are big on gift giving. And a lot more goes into it
then you may think. If you give a gift to a Japanese native, you should
not expect them to open the gift in front of you. It is custom for them
to open it after you have gone separate ways. Now, if you receive a
gift, you should wait to open it until you're away from the giver as
mentioned, however, sometimes they will insist you open it right then.
If that is the case, there is a certain way to do that. First, you should NEVER
just tear into the wrapping paper like a child on Christmas morning.
You should open the package slowly and carefully. Japanese folks put a lot
of time and effort into wrapping a gift to ensure it is done well. I have been
told that they also use high quality wrapping paper. Not like that Dollar Tree
stuff you used on your kids birthday gift last year. So, unwrap the gift slowly,
carefully, while preserving the paper, ribbons, bows, etc. So, you've opened
your gift, now what? You do NOT crumple or throw any of it away!
If you are the one visiting the gift giver, you take every piece of paper, ribbon,
bows, gift, all of it with you when you leave. If they are at your home, you
wait until they leave, and then you decide what you want to do with
the paper, bows, etc.

* There is even a proper and improper way to give and receive an item!
If you are given a gift or business card with both hands (as this will usually
be the case), you should receive the item with BOTH hands. It is rude to
take an item half heatedly or with just one hand when it is given to you
with proper effort. If you receive a business card with both hands, you
should also take it with both hands as mentioned above. But, you should
also note that you should NEVER put the business card in your back pocket
of your pants. You should also be aware that you should NEVER fold the card
in half. Japanese nationals carry a case especially for business cards.
If you don't have such a case, you should place the card into your wallet
or carry it in your hand until you are out of sight from the giver.

* It is customary to give the gift of money for a wedding or funeral.
However, when giving the gift, you should be aware of what colors
you chose for the envelope and/or ribbons. For weddings, RED or WHITE
are the acceptable colors because they are symbolic of celebration. For
funerals, BLACK or WHITE are symbolic of condolences. Now, I'll
admit, I do not know if you need to use the two colors together, or if
you can use them alone. I need to find that out for sure.

 * And, now for your favorite thing of all....... chopsticks!
Yes, there is a proper and improper way to use them.
Yes, hold them together while eating. And, yes, in Japan it is
possible to eat rice with them. I've known this for years. After
Husband and I married, he told me about Japanese rice. In
America, we tend to make our rice light and fluffy. In Japan,
it is sticky, and clumps together, making it easier to eat with chopsticks.
When using chopsticks you NEVER wave them in the air at anyone or
at anything. You also NEVER, EVER pass food from your chopsticks
to another's chopsticks. This is reserved for funerals ONLY. They
use chopsticks to pass the bones of their cremated deceased from
one family member to another to be placed in a jar. You should also
NEVER stand your chopsticks upright in your food. This is also a
funeral custom.  

* And finally, I'll touch on behavior. In our class, we were told that
our greatest concern should be our behavior while we're out in public.
We should be respectful and mindful of those around us. Not all
Japanese may speak English, but they DO know English phrases.
We should also remember that we are ambassadors of the United Sates.
They watch us and may make judgement about everyone else who
is from our country. It was brought to our attention that our
relationship with Japan is strained right now because of some
very serious offenses that some military or their dependents
have committed. I'm hoping that things will turn around for the
better in the very near future.

I hope you enjoyed reading about customs from the land of the rising sun.
And, I hope you'll continue to follow us on our journey as we go through
this crazy adventure!

A Deaf Gaijin in Japan

Ok, so Husband applied for a job in Japan, 

and I was crazy to follow along. 

"It will be fun", he said. 

"But, how will I understand?", I asked.

"You'll be fine! I'll be there to help you." he replied.

"But, I'm struggling to understand people in my OWN

country! How am I going to understand people in a 

different one?!" And, round and round we went. 

But, here we are. A hearing person and a deaf person

in Japan. Sure, it is fun. It's wonderful trying new foods,

seeing different things. But, then there are the things that

hearing people just don't understand. 

What Husband failed to tell me (and couldn't tell me) was

that I would be reduced to tears before our first 

week was even up. First, his boss dropped my 

children and I off at a McDonald's without much 

warning, while he drove away....... my husband in tow.

I had to order breakfast for three kids and myself from a 

guy who could barely speak English. Amazingly, he got 

our entire order correct! (In America, my order was 

incorrect about half the time.....and the waiter/waitress

could speak and understand English perfectly. Go figure!)  

But, a hearing person would not likely understand the

full stress of this situation.

"Go to the housing office and they'll show you what to do",

they said. 

So, like a good wife, I marched over to the housing office

intending to look at houses and apartments available for rent.

I arrived, and they did not explain to me in detail what I 

needed to do. To make matters worse, the gentleman who

seemed responsible for helping me was wearing a 

paper surgical mask over his mouth and nose! (It is

custom to wear a paper mask in Japan when you are 

ill to help prevent the spread of germs. Good idea? Yes.

Good for deaf people? No. It is it's own kind of hell.) 

I ask the kind man a single question. I had to ask 

him to repeat himself at least twice before I 

understood what he was saying. After that, I closed 

the big book of available rentals and left the office.

Any deaf person will quickly see my reason for just about

coming unglued. 

"You just have to put yourself out there and you'll be fine",

they told me. 

So, I tell Husband, "Let's go to your company Christmas

party! We'll finally be able to put faces with names." 

Well, I had ordered a mini-mic so that I could take it 

with me to this party and it hadn't arrived yet. But, 

I thought, "That's alright. How bad can it be?" Oh boy! 

It. Was. Loud. I could hardly understand anyone there. 

Music was blaring. A hearing person told me, "Yes, it's 

loud, I can hardly hear anything either." What hearing 

people don't realize is that sound is still far different with 

hearing aids verses normal hearing. Yes, my hearing 

aids are some of the best, but it will never mimic 

normal hearing.

There was also the written driving test we had to take.

No issues in and of itself, but they had a beep to let 

everyone taking the test know when the next question 

was coming up on a screen. The test was 50 questions.... 

this means 50 beeps. The problem was that the beep 

sounded exactly like one used in the booth that you 

sit in to take the hearing exam. Before long, tinnitus 

kicked in, and I was growing dizzy.    

So, what is a deaf person to do in these situations? 

Maybe some folks would have handled the situations

better then I did, but I did the best that I knew how to do.

In the case of the "Drive Away Boss", well, I just need
to learn to extend more grace. 

As far as finding a place to rent and call home;

I just wait and go with Husband. Some hearing

people just kind of look at me strange. One person

asked, "You can't go without your husband?" I 

got that "deer in the headlights" look. You know

the one! They ask a simple question, but your brain

is spinning with about 1,000 reasons why you don't

go property hunting on your own.... because you know

they would never understand.  I'm thinking, 

"They wear paper masks and I can't read their lips,

I can't understand the language, the females have 

very soft voices.... this is out of my hearing range..." 

and on and on it goes. It's just easier to go in pairs. 

At the Christmas party I was fine until Husband had

to excuse himself. When he didn't return in 5 minutes,

I started to panic. The lights got dim, and the music 

grew louder. Dim lights and loud music are a deaf 

person's nightmare. I just sat quietly until Husband 

got back.

And as for the written driving test. I turned my aids off

so that I could focus. I just kept a close eye on the 

screen so I would know when the next question came up. 

Maybe I could have handled some of these situations better.

I think that as time goes on, I'll gain more confidence, 

and when that happens, then I'll be able to be more

independent. But, in the meantime, I'm going to need

to lean on Husband more then usual. I need his help.

I think everyone needs help in a new situation. Deaf or not.

I just happen to need a lot more to get me going.